Whoops
So Christmas has come and gone and it has been quite a decent little family affair. Boxing Day brought with it a load of family, with only three still kicking it here on the 27th.
I've been pretty good about not being super low but it comes and goes, as it is prone to do...the whoops comes from the little outburst I had with my mom over the upcoming K move. Basically someone has to drive with k to D.C and it had been determined that it was to be either mom or myself. We had kept putting off the decision because I'm not quite sure how either of us felt about the trip...
My reluctance stems from a variety of sources...the first and main one being that K has made no indication that she actually would like me to help her out -- I don't know if this is because she doesn't want to push a decision or if she doesn't care but it didn't help to be told, I don't care, when I asked.
My second reluctance comes from extreme poverty. While mom and dad offered to pay for the trip, it would be more expensive than they would dish out and the $8 I currently have in cash isn't exactly a windfall of cash.
Thirdly, if I were to go, it would mean a delay on job hunting for a good week and a half. This is not good.
Finally, I am a bit leary of going, for fear that I'll miss it just soo much.
Of course, I balanced these fears with the fun trip, a chance to hang out with the sister and friends and perhaps a mousetrap.
I relayed my fears to mom today and then told her that if I do go, I would use my free flight (gained from a bumped xmas flight) and if need be, we could come up with cash later on for another flight. To which, mom responded, well it sounds like you want to go, so you'll go. So I said ok and then proceeded to cry in my room.
I finished crying (unbeknownst to everyone at our house) and hung out in my room for a bit. Then I walked into the living room and mom was like, Lyla have you booked a flight yet? To which I responded, well in the last forty minutes since you decided I was to go, no (which I admit was bitchy), so then I left the room. So then mom was like don't you want to go (after I cried in my room again) and they had started looking for a flight for mom. So I was like well I don't have money but I'll go if that is whats best, I don't care. So then mom was like, well I just thought you'd be looking for a job in DC (which to be fair was a thought I had had about a month and a half ago but hasn't really been in my books for the last month). So I said no, I don't plan on looking for a job in DC, so she was a bit shocked and I was tearing up again.
So they booked a ticket for mom and I'm a little sad I'm not going to DC but happy I get to mope around some more. And sad because it would have been good K time if she would have let me have it but she's been so guarded that it seemed like not a good idea.
So crying in front of the fams, good stuff.
Gotta love depression and being unemployed and missing someone and mouring the end of the life you once knew.
Oh well..tomorrow I get my eyes checked. Good fun. I might go cry some more now.
I've been pretty good about not being super low but it comes and goes, as it is prone to do...the whoops comes from the little outburst I had with my mom over the upcoming K move. Basically someone has to drive with k to D.C and it had been determined that it was to be either mom or myself. We had kept putting off the decision because I'm not quite sure how either of us felt about the trip...
My reluctance stems from a variety of sources...the first and main one being that K has made no indication that she actually would like me to help her out -- I don't know if this is because she doesn't want to push a decision or if she doesn't care but it didn't help to be told, I don't care, when I asked.
My second reluctance comes from extreme poverty. While mom and dad offered to pay for the trip, it would be more expensive than they would dish out and the $8 I currently have in cash isn't exactly a windfall of cash.
Thirdly, if I were to go, it would mean a delay on job hunting for a good week and a half. This is not good.
Finally, I am a bit leary of going, for fear that I'll miss it just soo much.
Of course, I balanced these fears with the fun trip, a chance to hang out with the sister and friends and perhaps a mousetrap.
I relayed my fears to mom today and then told her that if I do go, I would use my free flight (gained from a bumped xmas flight) and if need be, we could come up with cash later on for another flight. To which, mom responded, well it sounds like you want to go, so you'll go. So I said ok and then proceeded to cry in my room.
I finished crying (unbeknownst to everyone at our house) and hung out in my room for a bit. Then I walked into the living room and mom was like, Lyla have you booked a flight yet? To which I responded, well in the last forty minutes since you decided I was to go, no (which I admit was bitchy), so then I left the room. So then mom was like don't you want to go (after I cried in my room again) and they had started looking for a flight for mom. So I was like well I don't have money but I'll go if that is whats best, I don't care. So then mom was like, well I just thought you'd be looking for a job in DC (which to be fair was a thought I had had about a month and a half ago but hasn't really been in my books for the last month). So I said no, I don't plan on looking for a job in DC, so she was a bit shocked and I was tearing up again.
So they booked a ticket for mom and I'm a little sad I'm not going to DC but happy I get to mope around some more. And sad because it would have been good K time if she would have let me have it but she's been so guarded that it seemed like not a good idea.
So crying in front of the fams, good stuff.
Gotta love depression and being unemployed and missing someone and mouring the end of the life you once knew.
Oh well..tomorrow I get my eyes checked. Good fun. I might go cry some more now.
posted by Lyla @ 9:40 PM
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